News You Can Use: Support Your College Student Without Swooping In

Following high school graduation, parents may notice their students being more emphatic, maybe even a bit more difficult to live with.

The reason?

"They're preparing you (the parents) for college," said Merrill Magruder, University of Mississippi instructor and family engagement special assistant to the chancellor.

"They're putting up a wall. Research states that around this time, our high school seniors will start to get a little bit pushier for their way as they are learning to find their wings.

"But they're doing it because they love you. They think if they start putting up a wall now, the homesickness, mom's cooking, laundry being done at the house, is all going to be a little bit easier to leave in August."

Magruder is full of advice for parents to transition smoothly from being a high school parent to college parent – it's what she calls learning how to parent from afar.

College is a time for students to begin "adulting" if they haven't already begun. Not only will they learn course content, but they'll learn soft skills to be successful adults. That is, if parents do not interfere.

"If you do that, you're taking away an opportunity for your students to learn how to have a conversation and grow from it," Magruder said.

The handful of weeks until college move-in is the time for parents to enable their students to reinforce family beliefs and become advocates for themselves, as well as for parents to practice parenting from afar.

"This summer, reiterate your family values, reiterate your family morals and empower your student to figure some things out on their own," Magruder said.

Encourage your soon-to-be college students to:

• Practice your family's values and morals
• Schedule their own doctor appointments
• Complete all the necessary paperwork for those appointments
• Learn how your health and auto insurance work.

Once at college, students may have issues with roommates, instructors or grades. Provide them with opportunities to learn how to have tough conversations by guiding them, Magruder said.

"We are now in the position where we guide, we advise; we do not decide," she said. "We are now letting our students do that."

Instead of trying to fix a roommate problem, ask your student if they have talked with their roommate or talked with their resident adviser.

If your student is having trouble in class, do not contact the instructor or adviser on their behalf. Instead, Magruder suggests asking these questions:

• Are you going to class?
• Are you sitting toward the front of class?
• Have you visited your instructor during office hours to ask questions?
• Have you emailed your instructor to ask questions?
• Have you sought out supplemental instruction from teaching assistants?

In high school, some students may have received special services, had an individualized education plan or a section 504 plan that ensures equal access to education for students with disabilities. However, colleges work differently, so be sure to consult the college's student disability services to ensure your student has the assistance needed to be successful.

Magruder also urged parents to use caution when joining parent social media groups, which are often run by bots. Do not post any information about your student without his or her permission – especially details related to where they live or transportation plans.

"You gave us (colleges) your greatest gift, and we are not going to take that lightly," she said. "We want to protect them, and we want to nurture them, and we want them to grow, and more than anything, we want them to be successful."

Top: Hundreds of incoming Ole Miss freshmen and their families gather in the Grove for an orientation session. Parents may notice that their children become more assertive and independent as they prepare to head to college, and a UM family engagement specialist advises parents to step back and let their students learn to cope on their own. Photo by Hunt Mercier/Ole Miss Digital Imaging Services