Research Reveals the Emotional Complexity of Forgiveness

That idea is at the center of a study led by researchers at the University of Mississippi that examined how people respond emotionally to forgiveness, compared to karma and revenge.

"Forgiveness is hard because of the emotions involved," said Richard S. Balkin, distinguished professor of counselor education in the UM School of Education. "It can bring stress and sadness as people come to terms with what they have lost."

Published in The Journal of Humanistic Counseling, the study examined how people emotionally respond to forgiveness, karma and revenge in response to interpersonal conflict. Participants reflected on personal experiences with each response and then reported the emotions they experienced.

The project grew out of years of teaching, research and clinical work focused on forgiveness as a human experience, rather than a simple moral choice, Balkin said.

The findings showed that participants experienced greater sadness and anxiety when reflecting on forgiveness than when thinking about karma or revenge. At the same time, they reported feeling happiest when describing karma, situations in which justice seemed to occur without their involvement.

Listening to participants' reflections helped clarify why those emotional differences emerged, said Alexandria Kerwin Hodges, associate professor of leadership and counselor education at Ole Miss and a co-author of the study.

"When people talked about forgiveness, those stories were often heavier and more complex," Hodges said. "They involved deeper hurt and required emotional engagement.

"Stories about karma, by contrast, were often lighter and brought a sense of relief."

The researchers noticed clear differences in how participants spoke about each response.

Reflections on forgiveness often centered on unresolved relationships, unmet expectations or lingering emotional pain. By comparison, stories about karma or revenge were more likely to be brief or even humorous, suggesting a sense of emotional distance from the event.

Despite the emotional difficulty associated with forgiveness, participants expressed a stronger desire to forgive than to seek revenge or rely on karma. That desire can feel confusing, particularly when forgiveness is misunderstood as excusing harmful behavior, Hodges said.

"Many people associate forgiveness with letting someone off the hook," she said. "But forgiveness is really about finding peace for yourself. It does not require reconciliation, and it does not mean what happened was acceptable."

The findings help explain why forgiveness can be especially challenging in close relationships, including within families, friendships or long-standing social circles, Balkin said.

"Forgiveness often means accepting that you may never get what you wanted from someone," he said. "That realization can bring sadness, even when letting go of anger is healthy."

Rather than presenting forgiveness as a single decision, the researchers emphasize it as an ongoing human experience.

"Forgiveness is not a one-time decision," Balkin said. "You may have made peace with it, but emotions can resurface. That does not mean forgiveness has failed. It means you are human."

Top: Forgiving someone can be especially challenging in close relationships, including within families, friendships or long-standing social circles, because of the emotions involved. An Ole Miss study is shedding light on the emotional costs of forgiveness and how to work through those issues. Adobe Stock photo